What I always thought I had in mind was getting some big scholarship to graduate school or a grant to study all over Europe, and then I thought I'd be a professor and write books of poems or write books of poems and be an editor of some sort. Usually I had these plans on the tip of my tongue.
"I don't really know," I heard myself say. I felt a deep shock, hearing myself say that, because the minute I said it, I knew it was true (32).In this moment, Esther recognizes that she has only had these plans to satisfy adults who ask her what her future will be. She herself, is unsure of what she wants to do, and this is just something that she could see herself doing that she knows would not be considered a "waste" of her talents. It is not necessarily something she would even enjoy doing. She seems to realize this in an instant and, instead of her usual response to such questions, answers Jay Cee truthfully.
Personally, I find this aspect of Esther's character the most relatable. I can't really relate to the fashion stuff, or the poem writing, or being a woman in the 1950s. However, I, and I think most people in this class, can relate to Esther's response to this common question adults ask us teenagers. I tend to answer this sort of question in a similar way to Esther, giving a response that I think the listener want's to hear and that aligns with what I'm good at. It certainly makes sense to pursue what you're good at because it means you'll have a better chance of success. Also, I think that doing something you're good at is more enjoyable partly because you experience more success. However, happiness is definitely not directly linked to success in the workplace, and the answers that adults approve of are not necessarily the best plans for the future. I think it is totally ok and normal to not know what you want to do in 10 years, and it is not something that I think adults should disapprove of as happens in this book.
I think that this is something that a lot of readers can relate to. Esther knows she's good at school. She even says "The one thing I was at was winning scholarships and prizes, and that era was coming to an end." This is an idea that is scary to many young adults. While you're in school, you know exactly what you're supposed to do -- get good grades, win scholarships, etc. But, as soon as school is over, you don't know what you're supposed to do with your life. I'm curious to see how this idea plays out in this book.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this is a very relatable feeling that Esther is having. In school there are very specific expectations and structures, so you always know what is expected of you. Thinking about what happens after school is extremely hard and most people give easy answers so that they can avoid doing the hard thinking. It is also easy to keep giving the same answer that you once thought was true, even once you have begun to dislike that idea.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of adults expect you to have everything figured out, even for us as high school students. I know a lot of people ask me where I am going to college and what I am planning to major in, and when I say that I am not sure yet they are surprised and tell me that I should have at least some idea. Like Esther, I always have an answer on hand so as not to disappoint the people around me even though that answer may not be what I really want to do.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dale and Jake. The whole concept of school kind of sucks, escepcially as you get older. It no longer becomes how creative or smart you are, but more of how good you look on paper and where that paper can get you places. It turns into just doing things for your resume, which isn't totally bad but becomes a hindrance when you no longer can do things you want to.
ReplyDeleteA lot of Esther's anxiety about the future is specific to her dilemma as a gifted and intelligent young woman in a society that doesn't offer equal opportunities for women after school (while encouraging her success throughout her education, so Esther feels in some ways "duped" by the system). But you're right that the more general demand for a kind of "salesmanship" on the part of the young person trying to advance to the next level, even as he or she is deeply uncertain about that next level, is uncomfortably familiar to many Uni students (especially those who have recently been through the college application process). You guys are expected to have answers to these questions even earlier than in Esther's day--she's a junior in college and is just contemplating this stuff for the first time. College used to be viewed more as an exploratory time for self-discovery, in the liberal-arts model of higher education; we've been moving steadily closer to a more vocational or specialized model of higher ed., where a choice of major is quite literally a choice of career, and these decisions are expected before the student even begins their college career.
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