A Suicide Note

I think "Go Like This" by Lorrie Moore is really a suicide note in the guise of the last story of a writer with cancer.  This suicide note is written by Elizabeth, the narrator of the story.  This story is made up of fragments spanning many days leading up to the suicide itself.  Elizabeth writes about having cancer, her beliefs regarding her planned suicide, and her interactions with her family and friends.

Towards the end of the story, Elizabeth writes about telling her daughter, Blaine, of her plans for suicide.  She writes "I got a chance, after all, to say you're young and probably don't understand" (78).  To me this shows that Elizabeth realizes that it would be impossible for her young daughter to understand all the issues surrounding the planned suicide.  Also, she realizes how if she let others explain to her daughter when she is older, Blaine would not get her mother's true beliefs, just a second hand interpretation from her father or other family.

Elizabeth feels very strongly about her beliefs, strongly enough to kill herself.  Furthermore, she plans this in spite of the fact that she says "well maybe I'm not going to heaven" (80)  A person with such strong beliefs would not want her daughter to live a life not understanding why her mother killed herself, and what her mother really believed in that made her do such a thing.

In parts of the story, it seems as if Elizabeth is justifying her decision and her reason to her reader.  "I say I have chosen suicide as the most rational and humane alternative to my cancer, an act no so much of self sacrifice as of beauty, of sparing" (71).  This is written in the context of announcing her plans to a gathering of family and friends.  However, I think she also means to justify herself to the reader in this passage.  The point of the story generally seems more focused on her thought process as she chooses suicide than just a history of events.  She clearly presents her beliefs and logical reasons for suicide.  For these reasons, I think the real purpose of this story is to explain to her daughter, and also to serve as a permanent record of why she killed herself so that no one twists her ideas in to something she didn't truly believe.

A Reaction to Racism

Twice in "Previous Condition" by James Baldwin, Peter, the narrator, has sudden violent urges. These seem totally out of character for him, as he has an average temperament except for these moments.   Each of these urges is directed at a white person and each is a reaction to racism. The first time this occurs is when the landlady kicks Peter out of the room Jules rented for him, and he has a sudden urge to kill her.

I started to close the door again but she moved and stuck her foot in the way.  I wanted to kill her, I watched her stupid, wrinkled frightened white face and I wanted to take a club, a hatchet, and bring it down with all my might, splitting her skull down the middle where she parted her iron-grey hair.  (91)

The thoughts running through Peter's head at this moment are very violent and graphic.  I think it is out of the ordinary to have sudden urges to kill.  However, I am not in Peter's position, so I cannot be a perfect judge.  By this I mean that Peter is under stresses that I will never experience since he is black and I am not.  It is completely understandable, in my opinion, that the frustration that racism causes could lead to such initially surprising, violent thoughts.  Interestingly, in having such thoughts Peter is becoming exactly what racist people expect him to be: violent and inhuman.  The second time he is taken by this strange urge is on the subway towards the end of the story.  A young, white couple has just gotten on the subway.

He said something I didn't catch and she looked at him and at me and the smile died.  She stood so that she faced him and had her back to me.  I looked back at the ads.  Then I hated them.  I wanted to do something to make them hurt, something that would crack the pink-cheeked mask. (99)

This time Peter's thought is not as violent, but is its also less provoked by the white people.   Is it normal for him to have such thoughts?  Is it ok?  He certainly has good reason to be angry, he is the subject of racism which gives him every right to be angry.  Would this justify his actions if he carried through with these thoughts?  Baldwin hits on something essential to understanding racism here and I think it is important to grasp this idea.

Salinger's ideas on Humanity

In "Teddy," Salinger explores what makes us human.  I was very intrigued by the ideas brought up in Teddy's conversation with Nicholson.  I think that many of these ideas are Salinger's, voiced through Teddy.  Nicholson is used to make a conversation and draw out ideas from Teddy.  I think that Teddy represents Salinger's views since he presents many ideas and Nicholson only brings up ideas as reactions to Teddy's.  For example, the discussion of humanity begins with Teddy's comment on emotion.  This comment comes right after Nicholson has asked a direct question which Teddy completely ignores, showing who Salinger put in control.

"I wish I knew why people think its so important to be emotional," Teddy said.  "My mother and father don't think a person's human unless he thinks a lot of things are very sad or very annoying or very—very unjust sort of.  My father gets very emotional even when he reads the newspaper.  He thinks I'm inhuman." (186)

Here, Salinger uses Teddy to present a definition of humanity: we are human because we have emotion.  However, this is not the definition that Teddy (or Salinger) believes, as shortly after this he says, "I don't see what [emotions are] good for." (186)  This indicates a dismissal of the notion that humans are defined by the fact that they can feel emotions, since emotions are good for nothing especially not something as important as differentiating humans from the rest of life on earth.  However, this is complicated by the fact that Teddy's father called him "inhuman."  Teddy does not feel emotions because he sees no reason to.   This could mean that Salinger is agreeing with the definition of humans by emotion, and is excluding Teddy from this definition.  But, as we find out on the next page Teddy does feel emotion, he loves God, though even this basic emotion is felt in a strange way.

"Yes, sure, I love Him.  But I don't love Him sentimentally.  He never said anybody had to love him sentimentally," Teddy said.  "If I were God, I certainly wouldn't want people to love me sentimentally.  It's too unreliable." (187)

Essentially, what Teddy said here is "I do love God, but I don't love him with emotion."  This makes no sense to me since love itself is an emotion.  Teddy describes his love for his parents as an affinity as opposed to how Nicholson thinks of love.  The word affinity lacks emotion.  It is more a statement of relation than a statement of feeling.  This also suggests that Teddy is not human.  At the end of this story, it is still unclear whether Salinger has portrayed Teddy as human.  Is Teddy human, or is he some cold, emotionless alien?